Today, I start my exams. I spent most of my weekend revising. My pale skin saw none of the sunshine that we were blessed with over the weekend. It was a bit of a glum one. If there is anyone out there that had a weekend like me, then this is for you. This clip of Alan Carr on Graham Norton’s show made me convulse with laughter. Have a laugh on me.
TGIF? Screw that April 17, 2009
How is it even possible to be grumpy on a Friday? Seriously World, congratulations, you’ve totally outdone yourself. Making this happen is as low as you could bloody well go.
Thank you for the nightmares last night, really you shouldn’t have.
Thanks ever so much for speaking with my mp3 player to redefine what “shuffling” means. For future reference any Philips products owners out there – it means pick two albums and alternate a track from each. Don’t even change the order. Stupid technology, I failed computer science repeatedly and even I could write more complicated code than that.
Also thankyou for sending out the truck that sweeps roads to drive really loudly and slowly beside me all the way to work, really appreciated it.
Thanks for changing the sequence on the pedestrian lights outside the office so I had to wait for twice as long while the cars got another go. Two of my favourite things, waiting and being discriminated against.
Thanks for messing with the the cleaning lady’s head so she didn’t empty my bin (just MY bin) yesterday evening so I can see how much crap I ate for lunch yesterday. Nothing nicer than seeing empty crisp packets and coke bottles to make you feel like a heifer.
Cmon then, what’s next?
Mothers Day, the hard way March 23, 2009
For those of you who didn’t get it right on Mother’s Day, I have the perfect gift. I know it’s a day late, but take note for next year. First of all, make sure you are out of the country for the day in question, and don’t leave a card for her, she’ll love that. When on your holidays, be sure to do something that will involve kharma hitting you in the face with some kind of illness or injury, an infection will work best for this. Mams love it when you’re sick and abroad with no insurance. Once your illness has progressed to the level you would usually go to the doctors, phone home in a panic and shoot down any suggestions for how to resolve the issue with statements such as “We CANT go to the doctor it’s a Sunday and even if we could we don’t know where the doctor is! I think I need the HOSPITAL MAM!!”. Mams like nothing better than to hear you scream you need to visit the hospital in a foreign land. Eventually accept you will most likely survive the rest of the day but you need her to go to your house and find the prescription for antibiotics you have either in the chest of drawers, wardrobe, desk or possibly anywhere else in the house, and have them waiting for you the moment you arrive home. Mams love a good treasure hunt through your belongings.
Really made her feel special I think
Monday Madness March 9, 2009
I think Mondays get a hard rap. You know in the grand scheme of things they’re not all that bad. Think about it. What is the day before Monday? Sunday! Hello that’s a great day, it’s lazy and relaxy and it was only the day before so you can sit at your desk and think back that less than 24 hrs ago you where in the pub. Tuesdays on the other hand. Tuesdays are the real villians of the week. I HATE Tuesdays. The day before was Monday and the next day is Wednesday. The weekend is already a distant memory and the next one is miles away. Nothing good happens on a Tuesday (ok well apart from pancake Tuesday but I reckon that was just and excuse to have them keep Tuesday in the week) So take it easy on Monday they mean no harm. Boo hiss boo Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!
cookie monster February 27, 2009
IT’S FRIDAY, Fridays make me happy. There are no more sleeps till the weekend cause it IS the weekend. Also Friday means that tomorrow is Saturday. And Saturday is biscuit day! Bicuits make me happy, worryingly happy. If I had a choice between lots of fabulous humongous bags and a pack of biscuits (nice biscuits now I’m talking big half dunked chocolate and peanut cookies) I think I’d go for the biscuits!!!! Although if I had lots of fabulous humongous bags, I would probably fill them with biscuits anyway and hand them out to people in need of biscuity goodness, like some sort of cookie monster , but nice and not blue.
