Dublins Fair City April 8, 2009

I need to stop watching the City. Whitney Port makes me walk around picking things up with the pads of my fingers, lust after giant phones that give me email and make my head look dainty and react to all minor incidents in a very serious, dramatic manner while chewing gum. Everything with her is about how “you know, at the same time, we all make choices in our life and I’m very grateful for that and yadda yadda yadda oh you know the girls are calling a meeting because one of the boys might have kissed another girl and its just all so like DRAMA and oh I love your shoes”

 

So long as I don’t start swanning around in tights instead of pants its all gravy. I could do with a little invented drama.

 

This is the song that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends… March 10, 2009

Damn you Craig David with your big chin and stupid lyrics. That Seven Days song has been stuck in my head all morning! It’s like the song that never ends!! Met this girl on Monday, took her for a drink on Tuesday, we were making love on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and Saturday, chilled on Sunday. And I only met her on Monday! All I had to do was buy her a drink and she was all over me! What the f*ck is the point of this song Craig?? Are you slagging her off for being a slapper? Are you that amazed that someone would sleep with you (I know I am) that you had to write a song about it? And could you not have come up with a few more lyrics once you did write it so that it wouldn’t go round and round in people’s heads on an incessant loop that can’t be stopped. You are very lucky this didn’t happen to me yesterday is all I can say

A little help here please… March 5, 2009

Dear Shoe Fairies,

Just a quick note. First of all I want to thank you for introducing me to all my shoe babies. They have their own room now and they’ve settled in really well. I want to thank you for your help in getting prepared for the shoe boot, at first I really wasn’t sure about them but with the help of patent and suede and sparkles I’m now the proud owner of four different pairs and I love them very much. I’d also like to thank you for not forcing me into a relationship with the sparkly jazz shoes, it was very mature of you to recognize that they would do my legs no favours. I know its cheeky after all that help, but I would just like to ask one more small favour. I have started to develop feelings for the sandal boots and I want you to make it stop. I don’t know if it’s your doing or if my brain has just started to malfunction due to shoe overload, but if it is within your powers then please have mercy and allow this phase to pass me by without a purchase. I am not going to look good in these.

Casual Friday February 26, 2009

Tomorrow is casual Friday. I love it.

My colleague has the most incredible body I have ever seen in person. When I am near him, I feel faint in the Jane Austen sense. On Fridays, he wears tight, fitted T-shirts that show his incredibly toned pecs and arms. His apparel puts pep in my step. Sometimes he wears a white hoodie. I’ve never seen a hoodie look so sexy on anyone.

I’ve decided what I want to be when I grow up. When I grow up, I want to be that hoodie.