Uphill struggle May 25, 2009

I have recently started learning how to drive. It’s scary. I’d be perfectly fine if there wasn’t any roads or other cars in the way but unfortunately there is and I have to try and learn how to cop with it. I had a lesson Sat with my tacher (who is very lovely and reassuring and gives out to the people who beep me when I cut out) She said to me “today we are going to do hill starts and roundabouts” I’ve heard the horror stories from everyone about doing hill starts. The screaming the pointing, the rolling back helplessly into another car. So she showed me what to do and then said “ok now you try” (bear in mind that when I start of on flat ground the car will cut out at least once) So I lifted the clutch released the handbrake slightly accellerated and off we went. Both of us where stunned to be honest. We thought it was a fluke so we did it again. And again perfect, we tried again and again and again and not one time did the car roll back even a inch!!!!! So while my acual driving may be below average, I’m bleedin’ deadly at hill starts!!!!!!

 

Do they have a hill start championship? I could do that!!!!

Absent note: Miz Polly May 22, 2009

Due to her fabulous display in jazz class last night. Miz Polly has left the Emerald Isle for the bright lights of the Westend. Where she will star/direct/produce/choroeograph/light/make costumes for her brand new all singing all dancing all entertaining all the time show “Polly Put The Kettle On”

 

Be the first to see this dazzling show for  only 9.99. Pre paid tickets available only. Please send cheques and cash to Jetset1

Ding dong the witch is dead? May 21, 2009

Ben got kicked out of the ‘prentice last night. 2-3 weeks ago I would of done a last dance in my living room when it happened, but now over the last 2 weeks or so he’s become more bearable, almost human like. Which kinda makes me hate him more cause I don’t want to like someone who threatens to “bite my teeth out” or goes around like a knob making little camera frames out of his hands but somehow I didn’t want to rip my own skin of watching him last night. Istead I now focus all my anger on that bumhole shaped mouth, giant sqauare faced wagon that is Deborah. Come on Sralan. Kick that bitch to the curb! For God sake she was around children on the last task. She probably ate at least one of them. The public arn’t safe I tells ya

Crome Dome May 20, 2009

I went to a wedding at the weekend. Someone I befriended at the wedding sent me their photos. I look horrific in them. I have been doing my best to shed the pre-exam fat, but it is taking longer than I unrealistically expected.  My hair is a little long at the moment. It’s the longest it has been in years. It makes me look chubby. Last night, I went home and shaved it all off. Hair yesterday, gone today.

Yes, my little stunt is dramatic. However, it makes me feel much better about myself. My excellent bone structure is out for all the world to see. It also might lead to opportunities. I could form a Sinead O’Connor tribute act; I do a mean Nothing Compares. Should they make a second GI Jane, I could apply for lead. What I am really holding out for is a remake of the Crystal Maze or Star Trek Generation. I could play the new Baldy Guy.

It’s in the bag!

Stoopid is as stoopid does May 19, 2009

I read the metro every day. I don’t know why I do it, the paper only makes me angry. I must do it to myself as some sort of punishment, much like the way I look at the Daily Mail online and sit there silently shaking with anger at the stupid racist homophobic xenophobic arrogant c words that I just cant believe even exist never mind make a living out of twisting every news story to encourage their evil views. But with the metro I only get annoyed at their stupidity so I find I can read it on my journey to work without ruining my day. Also, its free.

Today marks their stupidest STUPIDEST “news story” ever. I accept it when they dedicate whole pages to opinion presented as fact, I ignore it when they let that gobsh*te Ross McDonagh loose on a full page article to attempt to pass off puns and sarcastic remarks as news but I CANNOT overlook an article with the caption “A new survey shows that smoking 20 cigarettes a day can cost you €3000 a year”

They had to commission a SURVEY to get some monkey to multiply 365 by €8?? Are they fucking kidding me??

Time trael May 18, 2009

You know what really really annoys me. Films about time travel!!! They just don’t make sence!! They just don’t! Take the Terminator. He had to travel back in time 4 times to try and change the future and he never poxy did. But being from the future he would of known this though. His having to come back through time should of been a hint that the past hadn’t changed since he had to go back to change it. Cause he would of already been back there before he would of been made, Do you get me? It just dosen’t make sence!!!! Although Back to the Future kinda dose cause he starts to fade when his Mam starts to fancy him. Anyway the point in films about time travel are head wrecking. (although go see Star Trek it’s bloody great) but don’t watch Terminator unless you want your head to implode!!

We don’t want to play any more! May 15, 2009

Gone are the glory days of Emer Quinn and I am the Voice. Departed are the images of frumpy Linda Martin singing Why Me? The Eurovision is no longer what it was. Would it be childish if we just stopped taking part ? I mean what’s the point? The results are completely destorted by politics. It is no longer about the music. My proposal to leave the Eurovision has  nothing to do with the fact Ireland haven’t a chance in hell of winning EVER again.

Ah go on, you’ll have a cup… May 14, 2009

Yesterday, Bovril Boy had to buy tea. Under normal circumstances there would be nothing strange in that statement. But when you take into account that we havent bought tea since we moved, have lived in our house since September and are Irish and therefore drink countless cups of tea daily, said statement looks more confusing.

When we made the big leap to “official grown ups” and bought our house we had no more than five days before we had to either move into it or find ourselves homeless. So we literally went for the essentials – we put carpet down in record time and bought ourselves a mattress. And my mam, well, she gave us enough tea to sustain us until yesterday.

My mother provided me with enough tea to last two people 9 months. One day I’m gonna be just like her. Except I’m gonna give them weetabix. Ha, let them deal with it.

Gone to the dogs May 13, 2009

I have a doggie, scratch that I have crazy doggie. I also have a crazy daddy. The 2 do not mix. Crazy doggie will growl at crazy daddy while happily wagging her tail. This makes me think she has some multiple personality issues. Crazy daddy will moan at me that the dog will not talk to him during the day and play with him. Which just confirms the fact that he’s crazy cause dogs don’t talk. I have contacted a dog whisperer. I am currently searching for one that does a package deal with fathers too.

Hot Yoga May 12, 2009

Tonight I have my first hot yoga class. For information on hot yoga or Bikram click here. I am a little bit anxious about it. Apparently, it’s  good for weightloss. As you guessed though, it is hot yoga. Hot yoga for hot people (or so I like to think).