Dear Santa November 30, 2009

Hello Santy,

Hope you are well and not too stressed with the impending holidays. I hope you haven’t been hit too hard with the recession and haven’t had too make too many cutbacks in the workshop/transport area. (give my love to Prancer)

Anyway down too business, considering the weather of late I am going to be practical this year. Can you russle up the following….

1. 2 of every animal

2. an ark to put the animals in

3.  a life jacket for crazy doggie as she would drown in 2 inches of water

4. a VW Bug ( i don’t really need it, what with the ark and all, I just want one)

Thank you very much, I’ll leave you out something nice and sedate crazy dog.

Lots of love and hugs

Jetset xxx

The straw that broke Jetsets back September 18, 2009

I have recently decided to quit my God awful job. There are many factors that led to this including ritual humiliation, being screamed and sworn at, being called stupid and idiotic on a daily basis and being single handedly responsible for bringing the managing director to financial ruin. But the thing that pushed me over the edge happened this week.

Monday: while looking over my work (of the 2 jobs that I do silumtaniously) he pointed out that I had not nearly enough information for his liking and to sort myself out as this is a massive problem. Ok fair enough, so I wrote down every single useless pointless peices of info on those pages. Tuesday: While preusing my work again, it was brought to my attention that all the info I had so painstakingly hand written was in fact useless as I had not used a highlighter and there was no way for people to see the information. Right so I went to work with that highlighter, you could of seen that page from space it was so illuminous HA take that!. Wednesday: Alas all my highlighting skills where in vain as I had not used different colour highlighters on the page so how where people to know that there was different points. . OOh Eh I don’t know, FUCKING READING IT!!!!! This apparently is a major problem and resulting in a 15 screaming session in fromt of other staff members.

Seriously I can’t wait to leave, I’ m taking every bloody highlighter in that place when I walk out that door. They’ll be crippled. They’ll shut down in a week cause of it!!!! You just watch.

Duck July 24, 2009

I’ve always wanted a pet duck. I rarely tell people. It’s just unrealistic.

I first realised I wanted a duck, when I was in secondary school. My friend lived next to a duck farm. He said he could get me an egg, if I wished. This excited me because when a duckling is born it forms a bond with the first thing it sees. Imagine a duck-mini-me!

Dad put an end to the dream. He said a duck would not have a chance in our neighbourhood what with all the cats and dogs. I thought the greatest impracticality was that we did not have a pond. It appeared I was wrong.

Someday, I am going to buy a house in the country. I am going to fill it with all the ducks and dogs I can.

Freaky!! Wait, no, can I have a different adjective? July 15, 2009

I overheard a conversation the other morning as I was going to work, these two women around 30ish were walking out of the station. You know the really annoying type who think they’re really important and people couldn’t survive without them? And they were giving out about something and then one of them said really loudly “and we were in Gatwick and NONE of us had a pen!! It was one of those freaky, FREAKY days!”.

And I just thought, what a f*cking loser. How boring must their lives be if that’s what they call freaky? And then I worried about myself, because how boring must I be to have found that exchange amusing, and hit record and used up valuable brain space to store it

Let the Sunshine … June 24, 2009

The weather at the moment is incredible. I was just in Smithfield and I felt I was in a foreign location. Dublin is amazing during the weather. The people are more attractive, places seem more exotic and the Liffey looks cleaner.

Is there any thing we can do to keep this good weather? I would sacrifice something were it to guarantee sunshine. If I had to endure a Groundhog Day, I would pray that a day like this be mine.

New Exciting Format June 23, 2009

I suppose it’s not really all that exciting, but we had a contributor’s meeting – well, only two thirds were in attendance and it was less of a meeting and more of a casual pizza – and decided thatwe are going to make posts on this blog randomly as opposed to taking turns. The reasoning is that it was becoming a bit of a strain to think of things on the spot. This way our submissions to this once wonderful blog will really be Thoughts from the Edge.

Political Pick ‘n’ Mix May 29, 2009

TV show Vincent Browne’s Nightly News is conveniently shown at 23.00, when one should really be in bed. It’s worth staying up for. Vincent is so rude to some of his guests that it is often asked why guests appear on his show. Vincent regularly cuts into politicians with statements like:

What farcical nonsense are you spouting now?

Where do you get your logic from?

This drivel is just typical of politics at the moment!

Needless to say, I love Vincent Browne.

An Taoiseach, Brian Cowen, has been invited to appear on his show next week. I would pay any amount for ring side seats to this spectacle. What would Vincent say to him? He could ask him why it took him so long to release a statement concerning the Child Abuse Report. Vincent could question Mr Cowen’s supervision of the three Budgets introduced within the last year. A question on the proposed withdrawal of cervical cancer vaccine could also be put to An Taoiseach. There are endless Fianna Fáil Failures that Vincent could draw inspiration from. For a journalist this would make for a metaphorical bag of pick ‘n’ mix. I can picture Vincent rubbing his hands in delight at the prospect. Sadly, I predict that Brian Cowen will decline his invite to the show. This is a shame because something about Brian’s appearance tells me likes pick ‘n’ mix.

Ronan, RONAN!!!!!! May 28, 2009

Hello my name is Jetset and I’m a Boyzone fan. I love them always have always will!!! They are wonderful. I was at their concert last night and I swear to God they turned a man wearing a United jersey!! Now that is impressive! Also seeing little Steve shake his booty to Beyonce was one of the best things I have ever witnessed in my life. But the best part of the whole night, during “isn’t it a wonder” Steve and Ronan where over our side of the stage and THEY WAVED AT ME!!!!!! YES ME!!! THEY SANG AT ME!!!! OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!!! I LOVE YOU RONAN!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU STEVE!!!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aint no such thing as a free lunch May 27, 2009

You know what I miss most since the recession? Free stuff! I never get anything for free anymore. Yeah yeah I know the shops have all reduced their prices somewhat and some of them were even good enough to almost bring their prices sort of in line with the sterling ones, but that’s still not as good as FREE stuff!  I used to be inundated with people offering me all kinds of crap to take if I so much as set foot outside the train station – drinks, chocolates, deodorants, scones… one day I even got free pencils. And I miss that! It makes no sense for them to have stopped all of this. I mean, I cant tell you who those pencils were advertising such was the frequency of my swag receipt back in the day, but if someone offered me anything other than a f*ckin election leaflet these days I would stand up and take note. I would most certainly remember them and perhaps bolster them out of this recession with a bit of custom. So take note marketeers (yes that includes you Bovril boy), the public still like free stuff and these days they appreciate it more. So give us some and we’ll like ya’ll better.

Finally went to Specsavers May 26, 2009

It appears Jordan eventually went to Specsavers. I hazard to guess she opted for contact lenses over frames because she is not wearing glasses in any of the pictures of her appearing in the papers at the moment. I can picture the scene. One morning, she got up early, made her way to the side board and popped her contact lenses in. She turned around, intending to offer her lovely husband breakfast in bed. On seeing him for the first time with 20:20 vision, she threw up all over the bedroom until she could vomit no more. She then rushed out of the house, called her solicitor and instructed him to file for divorce. You go girl. I am right behind you on this one. Kick that munter to the kerb. He has no use in your pretty, pink fluffy life. If you don’t want to totally decommission him all together, you could keep him and use him as a guide dog. Woof!